I wake up and my arthritis in my hands is immediately painful. I am an 85 year old man, and I feel that I have lead a fulfilling life. Since I feel that I have served a meaningful purpose on the earth, I do not feel guilty to take a few steps back and resort to some more "savage" behaviour. Now, when I say "savage", I do not mean anything like burning down buildings, or pillaging vilages. I mean activities that seem barbaric for the elderly.
A first activity I like to participate in as soon as I wake up is taking off my clothes and dancing around. I need to take off my clothes anyways to get ready for my bubble bath, and so I might as well do somethign worthwhile. Besides, I am proud that my body has held up so well over 85 years, and I think I deserve the chance to showcase its beauty.
Secondly, after my dance party, I take my bubble bath. However, this is not an oridinary bubble bath. Instead of filling the tub with the usual "Johnson and Johnson" product, I use a more enjoyable product. I prefer to fill my tub with "Pop Rocks", as I find the sound very comforting in my old age, as it reminds me as to how lucky I am to still have my hearing intact. I guess that it is not actually a bubble bath though.
After my bath, I spend hours sitting on my porch making fun of the people that I see. I enjoyed this activity when I was a young whipper-snapper, howevever this cynical hobby would often offend people and get me into a lot of trouble. However, now that I am elderly, no one takes offense to my comments as they view me as a "cute" old man. What used to get me comments such as "What a jerk!", now give me comments like "Aww, isn't he cute?", just awesome.
My final daily activity involves my meal preparation, or lack there of. Being that I am 85, I do not have much concern over my health. It is not like I can really extend my life any longer, and so I might as well enjoy any food I wish. Thus, my dinner usually involves a call to the pizza or chinese guy, followed by a delivery of a personalized cake straight from the bakery! Don't I know how to "woop" it up in my golden years?
85 and living the dream! What else could I possibly want or need?
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