The Encounter

My name is Dylan Godfrey and I am in grade 12 at Orchard Park Secondary School. I can probably be described as an average person. I enjoy not having homework, relaxing and complaining about my dull and boring life at school. I live in an average house, with an average family, with an average life. Nothing out of the ordinary really happens to me, except for the occasional dentist visit or family vacation. With all of this "averageness" surrounding me, you would never guess what happened to me the other day.

You see, I was minding my own business, returning from a trip to the grocery. I had set out early that morning to retrieve some artichokes for my Grand-mama, and I was eager to return from my voyage and see the look on her face when she gazed at the marvelous artichokes I had discovered. "These are the most wonderful artichokes!", I imagined her saying, and indeed they were the most extravagent artichokes I ever stumbled upon.

I rounded the corner of my street. I was in the straight away, the home stretch! I could see my Grand-mama's white, shrunken cottage in my sight. However, in an instant I found myself on the seat of my pants, covered in mud, the artichokes in a puddle of filthy brown water a few meters away. "They're ruined! The most perfect artichokes to ever exist!". I was in total shock, what had run into me with such force to knock me flat on my behind? With such strength to make the artichokes fly into space! I gazed at my new enemy, and to my surprise I was watching a giant cat pick himself up off of the ground after the horrific accident.

"Waho! Thorry about that!" my giant feline foe stated. He seemed to speak in some sort of catty dialect, and so I had to translate some of the words he said. 'Thorry' means 'Sorry' in cat, and I will make sure I properly clarify the translation of some of the harder words that exist in the language.

"You ruined my artichokes! They were perfect! Grand-mama was going to be so happy!" I yelled at him. My anger was starting to increase. "This damn cat bastard," I thought to myself.

"What can I do to thelp you meowout?" he asked. Perhaps he had some good intentions.

"Well, you could start by getting me some new artichokes you giant oaf!"

"I'd love to thelp you meowout friend, however, I am a cat! I cannot go into a grocery store!" Indeed, that was a problem.

"Well, perhaps you could give me some money, so that I can get some new artichokes for my Grand-mama!" I suggested. I thought that was a good solution.

"Hehehe, well you see, buddy, I am a cat, I do not have any money!" he said with a grin. Indeed, again, that was also a problem. "Is there thome other way that I could thelp you meowout?"

"Well I don't know! In all honestly, Mr. Cat..."

"Please pal, my name is Frederick!..."

"In all honestly, Frederick, I just wish that you had never run into me! I have so many things to do these days and you running into me is just a giant pain in my butt!" I was so upset, angry, frustrated, all of those words that describe a negative mood. The stupid cat was being no help at all. Yes, I realize he was a cat, and life is a lot more difficult for a cat. I couldn't imagine how difficult it must be to not be able to go grocery shopping and have no money! However, he still should have watched where he was going. Don't cats have amazing eyesight? Shouldn't he have been paying attention?

"Well fella', as much as I feel bad for you, I thtill think that you thould have been watching where you were going!" he remarked. That did it, that cat pushed me over the edge. The frustration of my lost artichokes, my busy and stressful life and my unusual circumstance had all accumulated to the point of explosion. The cat was in for it!

I ran towards a small field, conveniently located right beside my place of encounter with the giant cat, and began searching. I knew what I needed to get rid of my stress. The cat needed to suffer. I needed something and that something was catnip, and I was going to find it.

"What tha doin guy?" the cat inquired. I didn't respond.

I kept searching, pulling up roots, rummaging through bushes and picking through shrubs to locate the magical plant. After a few minutes of scavenging, I located my target, a magnificent stock of leafy greenness known as catnip. I grabbed it, brought it back to the scene of the crime and threw it right in front of the cat!

"Where'd you find that, chum? Why don't you pick it up, before..." he stopped talking. He knew I had exposed his cat weakness. Although cats appear to be cool, calm and collected, their major weakness is catnip. It has the ability to drive a cat to the point of insanity, an hallucinogenic state that they have almost no control over!

"I've had it with you, cat! You've pulled my last straw, tranced all over my last nerve and pushed my buttons for the last time," I informed him. All I had to do was stand and wait. A cat can't resist their most desired treat. He was doomed.

After a minute or so of our stand off, he began to become curious and fascinated with the catnip. He began by eyeballing in a manner that an obese child eyeballs double fudge chocolate ice cream, followed by slight pokes, increasing in frequency and tempo as the amount increased. I had him. I had tricked the cat.

He began prancing around like a lunatic! Jumping, bouncing, hopping and bounding all across the street! The catnip had worked and it was time for phase two of my plan. I ran over to the catnip I had picked and ran over to the fence that was located right beside us. I had heard the family of the house outside during my confrontation with the cat and because of this, I had the perfect solution to dispose of my feline woes. With my mightiest of strength, I hurled the bushel of catnip over the fence and it landed with a hearty 'thud'. The cat looked at me, I looked back. He looked at me again, I kept looking back. Eventually, his cravings overcame his sense of judgement, and with one giant leap, the cat hurdled the fence and was in the neighbour's yard. At that moment I knew that my plan had worked, as shrieks of fear rose above the fence. I knew that in a matter of minutes, they would be calling the SPCA to remove the giant euphoric cat from their yard.

I wandered back to my Grand-mama's house to tell her the tale of my trip to the grocery store and my encounter with the giant cat. I hoped that she wouldn't be mad that I no longer had any artichokes for her. After I had told her my tale, she was not upset with me in the least and she gave me a crisp five dollar bill to go and buy some new artichokes. You're probably saying to yourself, "Shouldn't you have been worried to go back to the grocery store? You do remember what happened last time, right?". However, after an experience like that, I now know that I can live my life without worry or fear, because if you know how to deal with a giant cat, you know how to deal with any problem life throws at you!